Knowing at what stage in the dating process you can ask someone out for Valentine’s Day is tricky.
Some might see the day purely as a gimmick and nothing more, but for the romantics among us, a Valentine’s date can be more meaningful.
A recent survey of Hinge users found that nine in 10 people don’t plan on celebrating the date this year – not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t have a date and wish they did.
In the last year people have adopted new ways of dating to work with social distancing and lockdown restrictions, meaning attitudes to dating have changed.
63% of those surveyed are now open to virtual dates, which could include playing games together or simply chatting. It might be the only way forward for dating this Valentine’s Day.
But getting the timing right in asking someone for a V-Day date might feel nerve-wracking.
Almost half of Hinge users believe it’s appropriate to celebrate the occasion with someone after the second or third date, preferring to have already established some kind of a connection with their date.
This ties in with the fact that over a third of users know if they’re compatible with someone after this many dates.
It seems that in order to make the gesture of suggesting a date on February 14, most people wait to feel confident they already have chemistry – and maybe even the potential for romance.
Logan Ury, who works as Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science, has three top tips to help you bag a date with someone in the leadup to Valentine’s Day.
Firstly, Logan says to invest time in creating your profile.
People often fill out their profiles quickly because they want to get to their matches as soon as possible. But that’s a mistake. Your profile is your chance to make a great first impression and put your best foot forward.’
The other place people fall down on is leaving it too long between replies, as it can give the impression you’re just not that interested.
She says: ‘Send a message as soon as possible. Your best chance at getting a response is within 24 hours of matching with someone.
Ask them questions and start to discover who they are, beyond their profile.’ After a few back-and-forth messages, Logan says to ‘take the initiative’ and ask to speak over text or even a date.
But if that seems all too quick, don’t panic. Lockdown has forced us to stop in-person dating temporarily, meaning virtual dating is what’s left
You could choose to see this as a good opportunity to connect with someone in a low-pressure way, perhaps sooner than you would if you were going to meet in person.
‘Video dates a safe, low-pressure way to connect. You can get a vibe-check of your compatibility,’ says Logan.
‘According to our research, video dates are likely to be way less awkward than you expect. Four to five days of chatting before you initiate the date is often the sweet spot.
‘It gives you enough time to build that foundation of trust, but it’s not so long that the momentum drops off.’
So once you’ve nailed that, you might be wondering how to then actually ask the person out – especially if you’ve not met beyond the virtual world.
Top things to consider when thinking about asking someone to be your Valentine.
1. Status check-in: While Valentine’s day presents an exciting opportunity to focus on your love life, you don’t want to rush into things just because of a date on the calendar. Before asking someone to be your Valentine, it’s important to assess where you two are in your dating journey. Will this be your first date? Have you been speaking regularly? Do you like where the relationship is heading? You want to confirm that your match has shown significant interest before asking them to be your Valentine.
2. Check their schedule: Even with people spending lots of time at home during lockdown, it’s still worth checking in with your date to see if they have any plans on February 14. That way you can confirm they are free – and ask them to keep the date clear – before you begin to make special plans.
3. Don’t overthink it: Tell your love interest that you are excited about getting to know them more and you’d like to spend this special day with them, even if that’s virtually.
4. Get creative: Can you send them a special note in the mail? Record a funny video asking them out? Show them you’re interested by putting in that extra effort.
